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June 2018

Starbucks has been plastered across headlines recently after the company closed all its stores last week for a social justice-oriented 'diversity' training. Now Starbucks Executive Chairman Howard Shultz, the man responsible for the well-known coffeehouse, has stepped down from his post. Word is that Shultz has decided to prepare a run for political office, possibly the presidency.

Miss America contestants will no longer have to flaunt their bodies in swimsuits and formal gowns. Instead, they will have to show they know what the job of Miss America entails and wear something that makes them feel confident.

Monday, the White House released a statement saying announcing the Super Bowl-winning Philadelphia Eagles won't be joining the President at the White House to celebrate their victory. Citing the kneeling controversy, the WH statement said Eagles fans deserve more than a partial delegation. In language sounded exactly like Trump, the statement said, "they [Eagles] disagree with their President because he insists that they proudly stand for the National Anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our military and the people of our country. The Eagles wanted to send a smaller delegation, but the 1,000 fans planning to attend the event deserve better."