There are reports that evolutionary perfected blood-sucking creatures have infested The New York Times building.

No, I am not talking about its questionably accurate “reporters.” It seems the newsroom of the nation’s “paper of record” is infested with bed bugs.

Multiple Times staffers shared the news on social media Monday: The famed newsroom has an infestation of bed bugs.

According to an internal email sent to employees — obtained by Slate, the bugs were found in the “wellness room” on the second floor, on a couch on the third floor, and in a booth on the fourth floor over the weekend.

The email went on to say that “evidence of possible bedbug activity was found in a few personal lockers on the third floor,” and that “treatment is underway” for those whose lockers were contaminated.

Assistant editor Stuart Thompson shared the news on Twitter, before columnist Sopan Deb (apparently a Trekker) joked that he’d “ordered shields up” and “phasers to be set on stun” to combat the critters.

I know President Donald Trump was joking when he said that he was “The Chosen One.” However, I am not so confident he can’t call down plagues upon the enemies of the American people.

The problem of bed bug infestation has been growing in this country. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the report is that these insects are found where people sleep, which could explain a lot of the New York Times recent editorial decisions.

Although the presence of bed bugs has traditionally been seen as a problem in developing countries, it has recently been spreading rapidly in parts of the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and other parts of Europe. Bed bugs have been found in five-star hotels and resorts and their presence is not determined by the cleanliness of the living conditions where they are found.

Bed bug infestations usually occur around or near the areas where people sleep. These areas include apartments, shelters, rooming houses, hotels, cruise ships, buses, trains, and dorm rooms. They hide during the day in places such as seams of mattresses, box springs, bed frames, headboards, dresser tables, inside cracks or crevices, behind wallpaper, or any other clutter or objects around a bed. Bed bugs have been shown to be able to travel over 100 feet in a night but tend to live within 8 feet of where people sleep.

The discovery has made for some very entertaining social media analysis.

There is good news for the employees. Bed bugs are not known to cause disease in humans. This differentiates the insects from the staff, which have been spreading Trump Derangement Syndrome for the past few years.

The real health threat from bed bugs comes from the itching and scratching from bites, which can lead to secondary infections.

However, bed bugs and Times’ reporters and pundits have two things in common: They both can be annoying and are difficult to get rid of.

[Featured image via YouTube]


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