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Top 10 Reasons The NY Times Will Not Hire Me

Top 10 Reasons The NY Times Will Not Hire Me

With news that blogger Nate Silver has been hired by The NY Times, and with the dream of an independent progressive blogosphere fading as fast as Obama’s approval ratings, I wondered whether The NY Times would hire me to blog for it.

Unlikely. My first post would be something along the lines of “Frank Rich and Charles Blow Suck, but MoDo Sure Does Have a Great Facebook Photo.”

The NY Times and The Washington Post only are interested in liberal bloggers, and token “nice” conservatives, like Ross Douthat.

By contrast, I would be a real troublemaker. And they know it.

Here are the top 10 reasons The NY Times will not hire me:

10. Charles Blow Is The New Frank Rich
9. Count Frankula’s Blood Lust
8. Brooks Back On Board The Obama Ship Of State
7. Paul Krugman, The Series
6. Come And Get Your Unpaid NY Times Internship
5. NY Times Finds Something “Buried” So “Deep” I Posted About It Months Ago
4. NY Times: Anyone Who Disagrees With Us On Immigration Is A Racist Xenophobe
3. NY Times — The Orphan Who Killed Its Parents
2. Where Is The Video Of NY Times Editors Butchering The News?

and the Number 1 reason The NY Times will not hire me:

1. I’m Seething Over The NY Times Calling Me Seething

(Psst, NY Times Editors, I’m just kidding. If you have a really big check to offer, you can reach me at 212-555-1212. I promise to be nice. Honest. Trust me on this. Would I lie to you?)

Update: Thanks Prof. Reynoldsfor the link. Please tell your students I have added the following to the Syllabus:

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You know one reason why I drifted rightwards and conservative over my 30s? No progressivist blogger or commentator I've ever read had the ability to take the good-humoured mickey out of themselves like this.

I certainly understand the intoxicating draw of constant righteous indignation, but like actual intoxication, you can only keep it up so long before feeling really, really bad.

Would I lie to you?

Yea – like about your phone number. I use that number as well so it can't be yours LOL.

Who reads the NY Times anymore anyway. I do only duress. Actually I read the Financial Times no matter what it says or how they say it!

You not only know what the NYT will choose to publish and say, it will be long and ponderous and off base. Even the book reviews are so lengthy and fluffy and pedantic you might purchase the book and read it. I like to take chances anyway. I don't need the impramatur of the NYT for theatre, ding, fashion, holiday destination and most especially my view of the world.

As the old Bert and I story about the man who needed direction said: "Don't ya move a god dam inch."

You forgot the number 1 reason:

They're broke.