I wish I could say this is a parody, folks, but it’s not.

Marvel Comics is introducing a team of superheroes based on social justice warrior culture, and they are not making fun of it. They’re celebrating it.

Comic books sure aren’t what they used to be. I was never a huge comics fan, though as a kid I did like horror comics. The only reason I take an interest in this story is that it is yet another example of how this kind of thinking is invading American culture.

Oh, and the writer of this series, Daniel Kibblesmith (featured image), is a former writer for Stephen Colbert.

Matt McGloin writes at Cosmic Book News:

Marvel Fails With ‘New’ New Warriors

Sure to last all of six issues, Marvel Comics announces the “new” New Warriors, an SJW team of teen superheroes.

Written by a writer for the Stephen Colbert show (yikes!), Daniel Kibblesmith, with art by Iron Heart (double yikes!) artist Luciano Vecchio, the new New Warriors follows a group of teen superheroes that are mentored by the original New Warriors.

Apparently, what happens is that a law is passed that makes it illegal for there to be teen superheroes unless they have official government assigned mentors (what happened to the point of using costumes to hide one’s identity???).

Marvel.com offers: Former teen vigilantes Night Thrasher, Firestar, Rage, Speedball, Namorita, and Silhouette step up to impart their wisdom to a batch of promising young kids, teaching them the ins and outs of surviving as a hero in the Marvel Universe. But will they be able to bridge the generation gap?

And get this, the characters include twins named Snowflake and Safespace, who, according to the writer, are “psychic-er” than a regular psychic, and whose powers include materializing snowflake-shaped shuriken projectiles and pink forcefields (seriously).

When I first saw this, I thought surely it must be a parody. It is not.

Hat tip to Ace of Spades who has written a lengthy screed about this, in which he describes the characters and their supposed superpowers:

SJW Marvel Outdoes Itself, Creating an Entire Super-Team of SJW Stereotypes

You might immediately think, “Oh, SJW Marvel is making fun of SJWism, that’s progress, right?”

Oh, no my poor sweet naive babies. They’re not making fun of it. They’re celebrating it, embracing it. They called two characters “SafeSpace” and “Snowflake” to take those words back from the H8rz!

Yes, “SafeSpace” and “Snowflake.” I’m not making those up…

Other characters: “Trailblazer,” a healthy-at-any-size obese black teenaged girl. Marvel makes all black women lesbians (yeah it’s weird, but they seem to be employing the “Why have a two-fer when you can have a three-fer” rule), so let’s just guess she’ll be gay.

What’s her — I think — power? Well, because we really want to Relate to the Youth, she has a… “magic backpack of divine origin.”

What it does, I don’t know. But it’s a magic backpack, because teens love backpacks or something.

This is real. I say again, this is real.

“Screentime,” who is the internet come to life, a geek “obsessed with memes.” This “character,” and I use the term very loosely, was “exposed to an experimental internet gas” (what?!) and now permanently connected to “the world wide web.”

An experimental internet gas? What the living fuck is that?

Are you retarded?

Oh, and there’s a “Goth kid” — Marvel is so relevant to the kids of today! — who was given a dose of the “living vampire” formula and so is a half-vampire. This Goth has a bad attitude and craves blood. So its name is… “B-Negative.”

Much more from Ace here.

The video below is from the official Marvel channel on YouTube and features Kibblesmith talking about the creation of this sad nightmare and the individual characters:

I don’t believe I have ever actively rooted for something to fail.

I am now.

Featured image via YouTube.

 

 
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