Mrs. Clinton joined CNN Tuesday night for an interview that was stranger than fiction. In fact, I’m honestly not sure if the awkward conversation was meant to be self-parody or an earnest attempt at a prime time interview. The pants suit, the seemingly botoxed brow and resultant crazy eyes, and the passionate dedication to fibbery made for fascinating television.

Following the Clinton Campaign Press Play Pen-Gate, Camp Clinton presumable decided to prove the scoffers, mockers, and justifiably incensed members of the press corps wrong.

“We don’t think so little of press that we actually, like, rope them off! See?! We’re like, totes about press access. We chat it up with the press alllllllll the time, like we’re doing right now with CNN!” – the Clinton Campaign (not an exact quote).

We’ll start with one of the interview’s best moments:

“People should and do trust me”

What’s a Clinton interview without a vague reference to the vast, right-wing conspiracy? When asked if she played a role in the public questioning of her trustworthiness, Mrs. Clinton spoke of a, “theme that has been used against me and my husband for many, many years.” She went on to say, “at the end of the day, I think voters sort it all out. I have great confidence. I trust the American voter, so I trust the American voter one hundred percent because I think the American voter will weigh these kinds of things.”

“Would you vote for someone you don’t trust?” asked CNN’s Brianna Keilar.

“Well, people should and do trust me and I have every confidence that will be the outcome of this election.”



Hillary attempts to explain why she deleted 33,000 emails

This one actually ties for first in the Most Painfully Awkward Interview Moments category.

Brianna Keilar begins, “one of the issues that we’ve seen has eroded some trust is the issue of your email practices while you were Secretary of State. I think there’s a lot of people who don’t understand what your thought process was on that. Can you tell me the story of how you decided to delete 33,000 emails and how that deletion was executed?”

“Well let’s start from the beginning. Everything I did was permitted. There was no law, there was no regulation, there was nothing that did not give me the full authority to decide how I was going to communicate. Previous Secretaries of State have said they did the same thing and people across the government knew that I used one device. Maybe it was because I am not the most technically capable person and wanted to make it as easy as possible,” said Clinton, speculating on her own story.

Back to the whole one device mantra. The mantra we debunked (along with several others) almost as soon as the words came out of her mouth the first time. As we pointed out then, “using one device” is not synonymous with “using a private email account.” And pa-leeze. “Golly, gee! I’m just so bad wit teh technology! I can handle our nation’s diplomacy, but can’t seem to figure out how this darn phone works! It is called a “phone” right?”


But anyway, back to one of the best parts.

“But you said that they [former Secretaries of State] did the same thing. That they used a personal server, and while facing a subpoena, deleted emails from them,” interjected Keiler, engaging Hillary Death Stare Sequence Phase II.

“You know you’re starting with so many assumptions that are, I’ve never had a subpoena, there is no, again, let’s take a deep breath here,” said Mrs. Clinton, obviously rattled and speaking to herself. “Everything I did was permitted by law and regulation. I had one device. When I mailed anybody in the government, it would go into the government system.”

But what about the emails sent to people outside of the government? HMM?! WHAT ABOUT THOSE?!

“Now I didn’t have to turn over anything. I chose to turn over 55,000 pages because I wanted to go above and beyond what was expected of me. Because I knew the vast majority of everything that was official, already was in the State Department system. And now I think it’s kind of fun. People get a real time, behind the scenes look at what I was emailing about.”

Fun. Right.

Too bad Hillary didn’t bother to answer the question.

On the issue of replacing Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill

Since Hillary didn’t bother to answer that question either, I’ve taken the liberty of solving the $10 bill woman face problem for us all.


Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 1.22.14 AM

No need to thank me. You’re welcome.

CNN could’ve saved everyone a little time by airing this instead. The effect would’ve been the same:


And to think, this is the best the Democrats have to offer.

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