Hillary Clinton needs an anger translator
so we really could know what she was thinking.
Comedy Central’s Key & Peele began Season 5 by having a little fun with the Obama Administration.
Key and Peele describe their show as:
Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele are the stars of Key & Peele, a show that examines life in a distinctively provocative and irreverent way. Whether it’s anger-translating the president, spoofing Nazis or ordering up some soul food, Key & Peele showcases the guys’ camaraderie and unique point of view, born from their experiences growing up biracial in a not-quite-post-racial world.
In a fictitious meeting between President Obama and Mrs. Clinton, each brings an Anger Translator. Their function? To translate the diplomatic b.s. into what they’re really saying.
President Obama’s Anger Translator is Luther and Mrs. Clinton’s is Savannah:
The profanity-laced (but bleeped out) meeting began nice enough:
Obama: “It’s always good to see you.”
Luther (Translation): “I pretended to like you for seven years!”
Clinton: “Good to see you too, Mr. President.”
Savannah (Translation): “My hatred for you is a pure force of nature that is going to move me onward to my destiny.”
Obama: “I trust you’ve been busy.”
Luther (Translation): “Bet your arms are tired from stabbing be in the back on the campaign trail saying you don’t like my foreign policy? What the **** woman?! You wrote the damn policy! ****”
Clinton: “Well you know how it is to campaign for president.”
Savannah (Translation): “You know how this **** works. You do whatever you gotta do to get your a** elected, and right now you are the dead skunk I gotta step over.”
Obama: “Should be smooth sailing to the nomination.”
Luther (Translation): “Even you couldn’t **** it up against these ***holes.”
Clinton: “It’s too early to say of course.”
Savannah (Translation): “I got this job locked down unless something terrible happens, like you campaigning for me.”
Clinton: “I appreciate having you as an ally of course.”
Savannah (Translation): “Eight years ago I had a lock on this job until you showed up out of nowhere, when you knew **** well it was my turn! You think I ate all that ****, standin’ there smiling next to my *****-hound husband so I could turn around and become Secretary of State?! Guess again, motherf***er! You got my job, and I’m gonna get it back. It’s not gonna be easy, because you screwed the pooch six ways to Sunday. Folks just as soon vote for a skinned possum as a Democrat. But that’s OK, because I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna win this ****ing election and I am gonna bury you and every god**** man who ever stood in my way — ”
Clinton: “Savannah, take it down a bit.”
Obama: “It’s always good to speak with you, Hillary.”
Luther (Translation): “You a nasty-a** b****.”
Clinton: “Nice to talk to you too, Barack.”
Savannah (Translation): “**** you, dream-stealer.”
Luther (Translation): “****, some people just too angry.”
Sounds about right.
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You’d be hard pressed to find two more naturally angry people. I can only imagine what they are like to deal with, in private.
Huma: I’m working my ass off trying to figure what kind of dildo is going to keep my boss happy.
The one Huma brings her while wearing the Scheherazade outfit?
Just guessing. It’s the one Carlos Danger gave her for Ramadan.