Dear future husband: my cheeky femininity is “problematic”

Dear future husband: my cheeky femininity is “problematic”

Right now, lurking in your radio, is something so…so hideous…so backward….that it threatens to destroy gender equality as we know it.

We’ve known for a long time that some feminists have a problem with women who choose to become housewives, and an even bigger problem with women who embrace their feminine roles and wiles to their advantage. Those same feminists are on the warpath again, this time against a 20-something pop star who chose to make a cheeky video about what she would like to see in her future partner.

Watch and listen (no, actually watch and listen—the rest of the article depends on this) to the unspeakable bane: “Dear Future Husband,” by Meghan Trainor.

The shock. The horror. PURGE IT BEFORE THE CHILDREN SEE.

Buzzfeed did an excellent work curating the internet’s reactions, from the irrational to the reasonable. The song and video are prompting conversations like this…

…but also tweets like this:

I have no respect for meghan trainor pic.twitter.com/a1sH9MQOkn

— miranda (@miserablymgc) March 19, 2015

In 2015, everything is problematic—even sexy cheek directed at your own husband.

I would agree with you if you watched this and said that this song comes from a high-maintenance perspective. I’d nod along if you made fun of her for hand-scrubbing her floor, because we have sponge mops now, and they are liberating! But calling this video “sexist” and “stereotypical” completely ignores the sassy reality of how men and women relate to each other.

Scroll up and take a peek at the tweet containing the feministy takedown of Trainor’s song—everything in this song is problematic for whoever drafted those talking points, but what the author and other feminists who are standing behind these criticisms are ignoring is that some women simply view their role in a relationship differently.

The critics of this song seem to have a huge problem with the proposition of a woman as a tease, which is even more ridiculous than criticizing Trainor for saying she’d like to stay home and cook her husband dinner. Sex is the hobgoblin of the feminist movement, because it’s the one thing these women demand control over that also places them in a place of vulnerability and acceptance. I’ve asked several feminist friends about this phenomenon, and none of them have ever been able to explain it beyond telling me that for men and women to be truly on equal footing, the sex between them can’t have anything to do with what a man may want.

I know. I’m confused too. Anyone else need a drink?

This song isn’t about “objectifying women” or “perpetuating sexist stereotypes”—it’s a 4 minute long flirtation that portrays a hyperbolic version of the same tease we see at work, at the bar, at the gym, and in the produce aisle. It’s not about submitting yourself to a man for approval, sex, and a list of tasks; it’s simply one perspective of what living a labor of love could look like—if that’s what you want.

Of course, feminism is never really about what women want, is it? Maybe that explains why they’re getting so worked up over one woman’s cheeky flirtation with her fans.

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