It seems that almost everyday I learn more and more about blogging disorders. I really didn’t know what I was getting into when I started; I wish someone had warned me.
Early on, I self-diagnosed Blogger Mood Disorder (“a condition in which one’s mood swings up and down in sync with the level of blog traffic”).
Robert Stacy McCain then called to my attention the concepts of Bloggernoia (“the suspicion that other bloggers have malevolent motives for not linking you”) and Sitemeter Fever (“obsessively refreshing your SiteMeter to see if your traffic has increased since the last time you checked it, seven minutes ago”), which led me to identify SiteMeter Envy (“the obsessive refreshing of other bloggers‘ SiteMeters to see if their traffic has increased since the last time you checked it, seven minutes ago”).
Now, I have identified another, more obsessive and negative disorder, Sitemeterenfreude, which I define as “deriving pleasure from the failure of other bloggers to generate traffic.”
Here is a perfect example of Sitemeterenfreude in action:
When you’re through doing that, go to a Castro Street glory hole, offering up your rump to complete strangers, while bragging that you’ve got more than 25,000 hits on your blog in the past 13 months.
Losers. They’re born that way.
I will never succumb to Sitemeterenfreude. It’s not that I don’t take pleasure in the misfortunes of others, it’s just that I don’t have time since I’m so busy traffic whoring, which remains just a moral failing, but not a diagnosable disease.