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Boys In the Girls Room – Think it Can’t Happen at Your Hometown YMCA? Think Again

Boys In the Girls Room – Think it Can’t Happen at Your Hometown YMCA? Think Again

If it can go on in Westerly, RI, it can go on anywhere, including your hometown. Be vigilant. Ask questions. Demand answers. Hold people accountable. Your safety, as well as that of your kids and grandkids, are at stake.

I’ve been a member at the Ocean Community YMCA (OCY) in Westerly, Rhode Island, since I was a kid.  I basically grew up going there with my friends to play basketball and attend the Friday night teen dances they once had. When I’m not on the road for work, I’m at the YMCA at 6am to work out, every day but Sunday.  It’s a part of me.

Last October, after having read numerous stories of a female teen being shocked, upset, and frightened at seeing a naked male, who identified as a female, in the women’s locker room of her Santee, CA YMCA, I decided to do some digging.  I wanted to see what my YMCA’s transgender bathroom and locker room policies were.  So I called.  And called.  And called some more.  Finally, a staff member told me that they were “working on a policy,” and to check back in a month.  So I did, and was again told by this same person that they were still “working on a policy.”  I began to feel as if I was being blown off.  Turned out, I was.

Then I began calling and asking for higher-ups: Branch Manager, HR Director, Executive Director.  I did get one call back, and was told, yet again, that a policy was being worked on.

Then, I read about a man who identified as a woman, who was charged with three counts of indecent exposure for incidents occurring at the Xenia, OH YMCA in 2021 and 2022, as he paraded around, naked, in the women’s locker room.  I wanted to make sure that these incidents, which were clearly made possible by foolish and unsafe policies, would not have the possibility of happening at my YMCA.  Not in my town.

Wanting to finally get an answer to my original question, between October of 2022 and February of 2023, I probably called my YMCA ten to twelve times, and got nothing.  But then, February 21st, I received a call back from VP of Operations and HR Director.  They informed me that patrons of the YMCA could “undress, shower, and dress in the locker room of the sex with which they identify”.  That was not what I was hoping to hear.  My fears were well founded.  Males and females could, in fact, dress and shower in the very same locker room at my hometown YMCA.

These administrators called my concern of having males and females in the same locker room “irrelevant.”  Even though I cited the incidents in California and Ohio, they dismissed me, accusing me of “not caring about transgender people”.  They told me that there has never been an incident and assured me that everyone was safe.  I guess we have to wait for an incident in order to protect our girls and women.  I am not prepared to do that.

That same day, I even called the YMCA of the USA national office in Chicago, and asked to speak with CEO Suzanne McCormick, but her gatekeeper dismissed me like the Westerly YMCA administrators did, when I asked her if the YMCA, as a national organization, had a transgender bathroom and locker room policy.  She called the YMCA of the USA’s transgender policy, “advisory.”

The next day, February 22nd, 2023, I sent a letter to OCY Executive Director voicing my safety concerns, and letting her know that I didn’t appreciate the way her staff spoke to me.  I wrote:

“It seems to be the case today that virtually anything goes, as long as a member of a “marginalized” group feels inclusivity is being practiced.  What about the women who are forced to see a man, naked or otherwise, in their locker room?  Who is being marginalized here?  This is not right, and it is flat out dangerous.  You are deliberately putting our female members in harm’s way, and it must stop.”

I continued:

“Also, nowhere in the YMCA’s policy that I could find (YMCA of the USA or OCY) does it say anything about a person being able to utilize bathrooms or locker rooms according to the gender with which they identify.  Why is this?  And why did it take so long for me to get an answer to my question?  I think we all know why.  Too volatile an issue.”

I copied the Association Board of Directors on my letter but have not yet received any response from them.

What about the rights of the girls and women whose privacy would be violated by having males in their locker room?  Why do they have to be subjected to this, in a place where they were supposed to feel safe?  I continued:

“I am a Christian and, therefore, care about all people.  No exceptions.  That said, we must develop a solution to this issue prior to it becoming something more.  I would be happy to be a part of that solution.  It doesn’t seem very Christian of the Young Men’s Christian Association to value a warped sense of inclusion over morality, safety, and common sense.  You have an obligation to value and protect the safety and privacy of ALL of your members.”

I received the OCY Executive Director’s reply on March 8th, 2023, and her stance was clear.  In her letter, she stated:

“The Ocean Community YMCA welcomes all people in our communities to use our facilities regardless of their gender identity, and our policies reflect that commitment.  No person has lesser rights than another to use areas within our facilities where users can change clothing and/or shower. “

No kidding.  I neither said nor implied that all people shouldn’t be welcomed at our YMCA.  She totally made that up.  However, while there are “private” areas within each female or male designated locker rooms where members can shower and dress, the fact remains that these “private” areas are still located within the locker rooms, and who uses them is based on the sex with which they identify.  She went on to say:

“Your letter implies that transgender people pose a safety risk to others.  The OCY also categorically rejects your suggestion that allowing transgender people to use our locker room facilities is immoral.  The OCY is committed to serve all people in our communities and will proudly continue to do so”.

Nowhere in my letter did I imply that transgender people, as a matter of course, pose a safety risk to others.  I simply pointed out four documented incidents which have happened in the last two years at two other YMCAs as evidence that males and females must not occupy the same locker rooms, regardless of the sex with which they identify.  Hardly the same thing.

Leadership of my local YMCA first stonewalled me for five months, then unloaded on me, first verbally, then in writing, totally distorting my words and outright ignoring the incidents at the CA and OH YMCAs, as well as the Loudoun County high school.  I, apparently, was the one in the wrong for simply not bending the knee and capitulating, daring to question the morality of a 5 year-old girl having to share a locker room with a teenage boy, pretending to be a girl.

Though I’m not naive enough to think these things happen in a vacuum, I never thought this would ever happen at my YMCA in my hometown.  Bigger cities?  Yes.  Westerly, RI?  No way.

Perhaps my best advice to anyone reading this story is that, if it can go on in Westerly, RI, it can go on anywhere, including your hometown.  Be vigilant.  Ask questions.  Demand answers.  Hold people accountable. Your safety, as well as that of your kids and grandkids, are at stake.


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What are your plans moving forward to change this policy?

    Robert Chiaradio in reply to gonzotx. | April 19, 2023 at 5:00 pm

    Hi. I am hopeful that this story, which LI allowed me to tell, will educate our local population as to the danger of this current policy, and spur them to contact the YMCA, voicing their displeasure. I will also be leaving the Y, and taking as many people with me as I can.

      Ask the parents on the board if they would allow a member of the opposite sex spend the night in the same room as their child. Clothing optional. If gender is irrelevant to one circumstance why not to all? If no ill intent can be gleaned from males wanting access to female only spaces how is the bedroom different from a locker room?

        pperry4599 in reply to JRaeL. | April 20, 2023 at 8:58 am

        Excellent suggestion…I once got into a conversation in houston with the leading gay advocate..he had been married at one time and had children..I asked him if I was a dedicated pedophile..would he allow me to come to his church and teach his small pre-k children..he looked at me like I was crazy and said.. ‘of course not’..

        Robert Chiaradio in reply to JRaeL. | April 21, 2023 at 4:26 pm

        If they had allowed public comment at this week’s annual meeting, I would have asked them. As it was, I had to inquire via email. No response yet. Thanks for your comment.

      Hello! I am a regular reader here and love this site. This nonsense around “transgender” is utterly insane. I have decided to spend more time writing about this and becoming involved whenever I can. I am a conservative woman, but I recently became a member of WoLF (Women’s Liberation Front) which is a “nonpartisan radical feminist nonprofit.” Though I never considered myself a “radical feminist,” I truly admire the way this group is going after the whole issue of “transgenderism” as it impacts women’s rights.

      Though many, if not most members are likely Democrats, they are fully supportive of conservative women’s involvement. They are behind the Kansas Women’s Bill or Rights, crafted by WoLF and Independent Women’s Voice. This bill is about to be passed in Kansas after 2 Dems joined the largely Repub state leg to get this thing through. The Dem female gov did not sign it, but gov’s veto will be overridden.

      I am just putting this out there to say that there are some Dem women who are very much in the same corner as conservatives on this – it just doesn’t get any press. We need to continue to speak up, forcefully!

        Robert Chiaradio in reply to irishgirl. | April 21, 2023 at 4:24 pm

        Thank you for your comment. You’re so right. If there ever was an issue where left and right should be able to find some common ground, this is sure it. Best to you.

      Perhaps parents should be allowed to accompany their children into these inclusive spaces, since it “makes no difference.”

      Will the YMCA be supplying porn and promoting drag queen parties in the near future?

      I will be checking my local chapter…

Boy, their version of democracy sure seems to be lacking in democracy.

…can I still preface statements with boy?

TY Robert,,, seems like this is your first article here,, it was terrific, and terrifying.

Have you considered a letter to the editor of you local paper?

I guess I am too old because I just don’t understand why the “rights” of a nutter should out way the protection of a normal woman or worse yet, her young daughter?

My son in law is a CO for the giant Suffolk NY county jail.. and we have discussed this issue a couple times.. He told me, discreetly, anyone with a penis is in the men’s side. Period. This included trans men, who have had an appendage added. They are dealing with it,, as well as they can. Why isn’t the YMCA?

Hope we hear from you again.

    Robert Chiaradio in reply to amwick. | April 19, 2023 at 8:50 pm

    Yes, this is the first story I have written for LIF, and I’m very appreciative of the opportunity. The YMCA’s response to this will determine what we do next. I sent this story to our local paper, but I don’t expect much. We’ll see. I know I won’t stop until this dangerous policy is changed and our women and girls are protected. Thank you for your kind words.

I feel for the writer. But while decent people like him are writing and calling and waiting and hoping and offering…the Dems that are behind this perversion are acting and installing what they want and that is ultimately the breakdown of gender differences and finally the ‘legality’ of sex with children.

This begins to end with direct confrontation in sufficient numbers by decent people who have had enough of their children and others being abused by the ‘activists’ sponsored by the Dem party. Confrontation at the Y, at the homes of these abusers and anywhere they go.

Don’t be fooled by the “C” in YMCA or YWCA. They are no longer Christian and haven’t been for some time. Just like with universities and businesses, they’ve been infiltrated by leftists in order to destroy norms.

    Robert Chiaradio in reply to utroukx. | April 19, 2023 at 8:54 pm

    You’re right. There’s nothing Christian about allowing girls, and those pretending to be girls, to dress and shower in the same locker room. Not a thing.

E Howard Hunt | April 19, 2023 at 8:45 am

You went to Brown? The university must be looking into revoking your degree. I hope you don’t make donations.

The Gentle Grizzly | April 19, 2023 at 9:35 am

Things were simpler when there was a YMCA and down the street was a YWCA.

MoeHowardwasright | April 19, 2023 at 9:36 am

Take your business elsewhere. Then write your local paper and post the policy of your WMCA. Make sure mothers know about their policy. Stand in front in a public area and hand out flyers with their policy. Make the board, CEO, VP, HR own their policy. Do it all with humility and a smile. And be sure to have legal counsel on standby.

Suburban Farm Guy | April 19, 2023 at 9:43 am

Mrs SFG (an independent) says that trans people should get their own bathrooms and sports leagues. I say where does that end? We’re going to retrofit all the schools and stores and office buildings with 50% more plumbing and extra rooms? It’s so nonsensical it will probably end up happening.

We’re being had. Our understandable concern for people facing hardship due to no fault of their own, such as the 0.3% or whatever it is of people with hardware/software issues, is being viciously exploited. The current ‘crisis’ is political and aimed at a certain outcome, not medical. People calling it grooming are spot on. We need to put a stop to it.

The same happened in the Port Townsend, WA YMCA and management banned an 80 year old long-term member over her objection to a teen tranny in the women’s room – whom she observed watching young girls use the toilet. Fuzzy Slippers covered it in a couple of articles at LI last August.

As a Christian, I’m to the point where I pray for the wicked to experience severe real-time consequences for their wicked perversions. E.g.,

But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. (Matthew 18:6)

An appropriate prayer for those who are harming the impressionable and still-forming minds of “these little ones” for me is:

LORD! Drown those filthy perverts and be quick about it!

What troubles me most about it is the people in charge seem to measure harm in terms of cuts and bruises – or financial loss – when in fact the real injuries are scars left upon the minds and spirits of our children, which undermine their faith in God, people, etc., and cause them to grow up with psychological and emotional wounds affecting their relationships with others for a lifetime.

    Andy in reply to MrE. | April 19, 2023 at 9:10 pm

    was just going to cite this one.

    pperry4599 in reply to MrE. | April 20, 2023 at 9:02 am

    Love the scripture reference..thanks

    BDaleR in reply to MrE. | April 24, 2023 at 10:03 am

    The Port Townsend Y is under the same management as the Sequim and Port Angeles Ys. and all three have the same transgender bathroom policy. Port Angeles is the largest city on the Olympic Peninsula with a population of about 20,000. So this is not just a big city phenomenon. I firmly believe this is the policy of the national organization. They just don’t want to talk about it. I canceled my membership, told them why and now use another gym that has single use bathrooms (no open locker room areas, no showers that accommodate 6-8 people at a time, etc.) and does not have, to my knowledge, a transgender policy.

    And a follow up on the guy in the Port Townsend women’s locker room watching the little girls undress: he is a student at Western Washington University majoring in…wait for it…elementary school education. In 3-4 years he will be a certified teacher with access to 20-30 kids behind closed doors. What could go wrong?

Be very careful with your charitable donations. In particular be very careful in giving to umbrella charities b/c you then funding all sorts of things you don’t agree with among the charities calling under the umbrella organization. I recommend picking out the charities who’s work is most important to you and directly funding those charities exclusively.

Fat_Freddys_Cat | April 19, 2023 at 12:51 pm

If I see a woman walking down the street and give her a brief appreciative glance, I’m guilty of “sexual harassment” and even “sexual assault” because of my “male gaze”.

But if I follow her into the gym I can follow her into the locker room simply by “identifying as a woman”. Then I can watch her undress and shower, and get naked myself and wave my junk at her. If she objects she’s a “bigot”.

It’s not just immoral; it’s utterly incoherent. And it comes from people who insist they’re vastly smarter than the “rubes” who object.

    They couldn’t make pretzels using the twists required to justify their absurd “woke” policies.

    Everyone needs to wake up to the “woke” corruption.

This issue is pure insanity. “Trans” people are, by definition, mentally ill in a sexual way. Do we really want those people changing clothes around our children? Do we want them teaching our children? They’re mentally ill, they should be in a treatment facility somewhere, not grooming our kids.

There needs to be a strong delineation between those who still have male genitalia and those that don’t.

Still have it = Cross Dressing man
Don’t have it = transitioned person.
(Still not woman, but not an equivalent threat to a Cross Dressing man)

“No person has lesser rights than another to use areas within our facilities where users can change clothing and/or shower. “

But this is not about rights. It’s about penises. Which, I am pretty certain do not have the right to show up wherever they please. We have law after law that are based on the agreement that penises must keep their place. Also no other group of deranged persons is given the freedom to inflict their delusion on another. Try declaring you are a horse and chomping down on apples at the grocery store. See what happens if you decide you are a doctor and enter the operating theatre scalpel in hand.

People are given a lot of liberty when they go about decently dressed. Start shedding clothes and exposing private parts, and phone calls are made to legal and mental health authorities. Boundaries are important whether on the street or in the Y changing rooms.

And a woman has every right to assume that a man who exposes himself to her is a possible threat and should react in any way she deems necessary.

The irony here for me is that about 5-6 years ago I was at the Olympia Wa YMCA swimming laps while my daughter got swim lessons. I’d get dressed the same time the classes ended and we’d leave as a family.

Well as I went in to dress- there was an old guy (late 70s possibly 80s) all lathered up in the shower. Just hanging out taking a 20 minute shower. As a straight white male, my MO in a public locker room is to take a 10 second shower and be dressed 1o seconds after that… or something close to that. So as I’m getting dressed and ready to head out, the creepy old sudsy guy is chatting up the 9 year old boys who just came in from their lessons asking them if they were here with their dad. (again violating the rules of straight white male in a public locker room)… I mean it was almost exactly like the old pedo on the family guy.

20 minutes later (I’m waiting for my dawdling daughter to get dressed) this hit me as really creepy and so I spoke to the pool director- who was a 6 ft amazon and former cop. They took it pretty seriously and started having life guards do cruise throughs after swim lessons.

Pervs in the locker rooms are a thing. They know this. I don’t see how the YMCA doesn’t see the risk of a Richard swinging around in the women’s locker room. Insane.

    Robert Chiaradio in reply to Andy. | April 21, 2023 at 4:37 pm

    I think they see the risk. By their actions or, in this case inaction, they just don’t seem to care. All in the name of some warped sense of inclusion. We’ll keep this front and center for sure. Thanks a lot for reading my story.