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Paul Ryan: “My Car Was Eaten by Animals”

Paul Ryan: “My Car Was Eaten by Animals”

That’s one hungry woodchuck family

Speaker Paul Ryan doesn’t have a car. Not after a family of hungry woodchucks moved into the undercarriage of his Suburban and snacked on the vehicle’s electrical system.

During an event at The Economic Club of Washington, D.C. Thursday, outgoing Speaker of the House Paul talked about life after D.C., which will now include car shopping.

Video here:

Ryan was discussing his last months as the House gavel holder and mentioned he’s excited to drive again after being chauffeured around these last three years.

Prior to being elected Speaker, Paul commuted back and forth between D.C. and Wisconsin but the demands of the speakership have him in D.C. full time where he’s accompanied by a security detail round the clock.

His old suburban was waiting for him at his mom’s house. When he asked his mom to crank it up, it wouldn’t start.

Paul explained, “I towed it into the dealer, they put it up, and they realized that a family of woodchucks lived in the underbody of my Suburban. They ate all the wiring out of it.”

“My car was eaten by animals. It’s just dead. I had to call the insurance company, so I don’t have a car,” Paul joked.


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It could happen. I had a big rat’s nest on the engine block of my Durango. They ate through some of the injector wiring, and some of the sticks they used to make the next got lodged in the throttle cable. Imagine my chagrin when my engine got stuck on full throttle on a country road.


And you, Mr. Ryan, are partially responsible. You see, car manufacturers are now required to use biodegradable wire harnesses. Biodegradable = food, so the wires get eaten by rabbits, rodents and whatever. It’s not a joke. It costs us millions a year in unnecessary repairs.

So, Trump is waltzing around Europe kicking European leaders in the butt. Peter Strzok spent his entire day being quizzed in a raucous hearing. OPEC has announced it is going to increase production of oil. China will no longer accept items for recycling from the US. And Paul Ryan’s suburban was eaten by woodchucks. Which story to cover?

I might be interested in Ryan’s woodchuck problem, except for the fact that he has become rich since he entered public office and can easily afford to buy any vehicle that he wants. He is hardly a “man of the people” with a net worth of over $7 million dollars.

Squirrels recently ate through the wires of several of our county government cars that were parked for a week without moving. You know how long it is going to take for our county garage to fix these cars? LOL

caseoftheblues | July 12, 2018 at 9:38 pm

Yah your insurance is NOT going to cover that.

Been there, done that. Luckily it was only two wires, color coded so I could splice them back.

Joys of country living. Had mice come in through the wall and chew a hole through my dishwasher drain hose. That makes a mess quickly.

Rats eating a rat’s car.


You having a good time, Mr Speaker?

What have you done for us today? How’s that Omnibus cowardice? Planned Parenthood still murdering babies on behalf of taxpayers? Immigration reform? Border wall and security? Battling Deep State? Draining the swamp? FBI and DOJ still in contempt of Congress?

DieJustAsHappy | July 13, 2018 at 4:40 am

And, here I was taught “How much WOOD would a woodchuck chuck”!

Probably shows how little he actually used the car.

I’m not shocked about animal damage.

The subreddit /r/justrolledintotheshop always has nice photos of the damage rodents and other animals can do to a car.

Never underestimate the determination of a rat that thinks your wiring harness is tasty and wears down its teeth and the resulting carnage.

@same same. Rodents destroying rubber and plastic and upholstery in cars have been a problem since as long as we’ve had cars. It isn’t new.

@dr ransom

Yeah, a car that hasn’t been driven in three years is not safe to drive. You’ll have water in the brake fluid, rusted rotors, flat spotted tires, bad fuel, probably some rust in the engine, etc.
It shows how rich the guy is that he can just blow off minimal care on a $60,000 vehicle.

Lottsa people are like that, It’s amazing the ways they can find it to abuse macinery, Typically neither knowing or giving a flip.

In Florida, there is a problem with vultures attacking exposed vehicle rubber such as windshield wipers, door and window seals: