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Columbia student fights back amidst rape allegations

Columbia student fights back amidst rape allegations

When the media narrative doesn’t match corroborated evidence: Part Infinity

Remember Emma Sulkowicz, the Columbia student who’s carrying her mattress around as long as her alleged rapist is allowed to remain on campus?

Her alleged rapist is speaking out.

Sulkowicz made national headlines with her harrowing tale of a consensual sexual encounter turned rape. After her alleged rapist was cleared by Columbia’s internal justice system, Sulkowicz filed a police report with the NYP, but chose not to pursue the matter through the actual justice system saying she’d heard they’d mishandled cases, she didn’t feel safe or comfortable chatting with them, and she was displeased by how long it would take for her case to get to court.

Her accused rapist, Paul Nungesser, shared his story exclusively with The Daily Beast in what they’re describing as, “dramatically at odds with the prevailing media narrative.”

This story, partly backed by materials made public here for the first time and corroborated by a former Columbia graduate student who played a secondary role in the disciplinary process, is dramatically at odds with the prevailing media narrative. On one point, however, Nungesser and his supporters agree with the pro-Sulkowicz camp: A grave injustice has been done.

Nungesser and Sulkowicz had a long-term, platonic, but sometime sexual relationship for quite some time before the alleged rape occurred.

That platonic friendship included several sleepovers in Sulkowicz’s room—one of which, he says, eventually turned into a make-out session and ended in sex.

“The next morning, we had a talk about it and we both felt that it was not really a good idea,” says Nungesser, explaining that they didn’t want to risk their friendship. Four or five weeks later, he says, there was another sleepover that led to another sexual encounter, another talk, and another decision to move on—soon after which the two parted ways for the summer break.

After a summer of affectionate and often intimate Facebook chats (screenshots of which Nungesser, who has since deactivated all of his social-media accounts, provided to The Daily Beast), Nungesser and Sulkowicz returned to Columbia in late August and saw each other at an end-of-summer party for COÖP leaders. As the party was wrapping up, they started talking in the courtyard, then began to hug and kiss and ended up going back to Sulkowicz’s dorm room—at her invitation, according to Nungesser. He says he had consumed two mixed drinks and was “buzzed, but not intoxicated or anything.” (Sulkowicz has previously described him as “drunk” during the incident.)

While Sulkowicz has always said that they started out having consensual sex, her account diverges drastically from Nungesser’s at this point. According to Sulkowicz, he suddenly and brutally assaulted her, then picked up his clothes and left without a word, leaving her stunned and shattered on the bed. According to Nungesser, they briefly engaged in anal intercourse by mutual agreement, then went on to engage in other sexual activity and fell asleep. He says that he woke up early in the morning and went back to his own room while Sulkowicz was still sleeping.

Sulkowicz has said in interviews that she was too embarrassed and ashamed to talk to anyone about the rape, let alone report it; an account of her mattress protest by New York Times art critic Roberta Smith says that she “suffered in silence” in the aftermath of the assault. Yet Nungesser says that for weeks after that night, he and Sulkowicz maintained a cordial relationship, and says she seemingly never indicated that anything was amiss.

Following the encounter in question, they remained in friendly correspondence:

Nungesser provided The Daily Beast with Facebook messages with Sulkowicz from August, September, and October 2012. (In an email to The Daily Beast, Sulkowicz confirmed that these records were authentic and not redacted in any way; while she initially offered to provide “annotations” explaining the context on the messages, she then emailed again to say that she would not be sending them.) On Aug. 29, two days after the alleged rape, Nungesser messaged Sulkowicz on Facebook to say, “Small shindig in our room tonight—bring cool freshmen.” Her response:

lol yusss

Also I feel like we need to have some real time where we can talk about life and thingz

because we still haven’t really had a paul-emma chill sesh since summmmerrrr

On Sept. 9, on a morning before an ADP meeting, it was Sulkowicz who initiated the Facebook contact, asking Nungesser if he wanted to “hang out a little bit” before or after the meeting and concluding with:

whatever I want to see yoyououoyou

respond—I’ll get the message on ma phone

On Oct. 3, Sulkowicz’s birthday, Nungesser sent her an effusive greeting; she responded the next morning with, “I love you Paul. Where are you?!?!?!?!” Nungesser claims that these exchanges represent only a small portion of their friendly communications, which also included numerous text messages. But he also says that during those weeks, they were starting to drift apart; they saw each other at meetings and parties, but plans for one-on-one get-togethers always seemed to end in “missed connections.” Nungesser says that he assumed it was simply a matter of hanging out with a new crowd and, in Sulkowicz’s case, being in a new relationship. He says that “it was very amiable; nothing was changed or different or weird or anything in her behavior.” (To be sure, many rape victims’ advocates would argue that women traumatized by sexual violence, especially by someone they trusted and cared about, may deal with trauma in ways that don’t make sense to an observer.)

So we have two different sides of a story, nothing too terribly unusual there (other than the Facebook messages and text messages to corroborate Nungegsser’s story), but this is where things start to deviate further:

After the winter break, in early 2013, Nungesser sent Sulkowicz two brief Facebook messages (one of them saying, ‘tu me manques’—French for ‘I miss you’) to which she did not respond. Then, he says, she texted him in March and suggested getting together, and they made tentative plans on which she did not follow up. Nungesser says he was not unduly alarmed, since such things had happened before.

In an email to The Daily Beast, Sulkowicz said that by the time of that exchange, she had already visited the Office of Gender-Based Misconduct to report Nungesser. “They asked me if I’d ever ‘tried talking it out’ with Paul,” Sulkowicz wrote. “So, because they suggested it, I sent him a text message listing a few times during which I would be free and said that I was ready to talk. However, when he texted me back, it hit me that there was no way I could meet him one-on-one somewhere. It triggered so much pain and fear that I couldn’t bring myself to text him back.”

Columbia’s Title IX coordinator, Melissa Rooker, did not comment directly on Sulkowicz’s case but pointed The Daily Beast to the school’s Gender-Based Misconduct Policy for Students, which states that the office never recommends informal resolution for sexual-assault complaints.

And that’s when the ball dropped and Nungesser was blind sided with formal allegations of rape.

Even before the investigation began, the charge had immediate consequences. Nungesser was placed on restricted access to university buildings other than his own dorm; these “interim measures” made it extremely difficult to continue in his campus job as an audiovisual technician (especially since he was not allowed to explain why he was under these restrictions) and to attend the counseling sessions he had started. Meanwhile, it became obvious that despite confidentiality rules, news of the accusation was spreading: Within a few days, Nungesser says he was being conspicuously shunned by many fellow students.

On April 29, Nungesser was startled to find in his inbox an email to the ADP listserv from a senior officer of the society announcing that a male ADP member and house resident had been accused of rape by a female member who was pressing charges within the university system. Saying that other members had said they “feel uncomfortable” around the accused, the ADP officer wrote, “separate from the case itself, the E[xecutive] Board believes that the male member has flagrantly violated his vows, disregarded his obligations as a Member, and has transgressed the rules of life—violations that calls (sic) for the immediate expulsion of the male undergraduate member.”

The ADP officer went on to say that the alleged offender would be offered a chance to resign voluntarily and that if he refused, a hearing would be held on his termination. In a follow-up email the next day, the officer reported that the accused had said the university was allowing him to stay at ADP, and concluded by acknowledging that “all members deserve due process, as well as an opportunity to tell their side of the story.” (The ADP officer did not respond to requests for comment on this article.)

On May 3, one day before the end of classes, Nungesser was given notice of two new complaints. One was from a former girlfriend who was alleging that he had emotionally and sexually abused her for the duration of that relationship. The other one was from a fellow resident at ADP, a senior who claimed that over a year earlier, in April 2012, he had followed her upstairs during a house party after offering to help her get more beer to restock the bar, then grabbed her and tried to kiss her. Due to the second complaint, the Office of Gender-Based and Sexual Misconduct sent Nungesser an email instructing him to vacate his room at ADP the next day “to ensure the safety of all the parties involved in this matter” and move to another dorm for the brief remainder of the school year.

With three women accusing him of sexual assault, he returned to Germany for the summer, uncertain of his future at Columbia.

Yet by the end of the year, he had been cleared by all charges. To Nungesser and his parents, who helped hire a criminal attorney for him and stood by his side throughout the process, this outcome is a victory for justice.

Three separate accusations were dismissed, yet that never made its way into headlines. Rather, the media focus was Sulkowicz’s mattress parade.

Even more concerning about the multiple allegations is that they were proven to be false accusations. Nungesser was judged in the court of public opinion because of what appear to be patently false accusations. He was hounded by the press and his peers. Meanwhile, Sulkowicz was praised for her bravery and artistic expression. And the compulsion to vilify the accused, in spite of evidence to the contrary, has yet another notch on its belt.

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No wonder she does not want to go through the real justice system.

    randian in reply to Valerie. | February 4, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    I don’t see why she wouldn’t, false rape accusers rarely face any legal jeopardy for their lies.

      Henry Hawkins in reply to randian. | February 4, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      What about in civil court?

        Gremlin1974 in reply to Henry Hawkins. | February 4, 2015 at 5:37 pm

        Nope, not even there, but by the time a guy gets out from under the pounding he takes from the “justice” system even if he is innocent, the last thing he probably wants to do is get involved in another drawn out legal proceeding. Besides, remember he has to pay for his defense even if innocent.

          starride in reply to Gremlin1974. | February 4, 2015 at 9:50 pm

          From experience, A night in jail. Bail and several thousands of dollars in legal fees.

          Just to prove with several witnesses (one of which was a Chief of Police) that I was not within 15 miles of the woman who accused me of Gross Sexual Misconduct.

          5 years later I get a letter apologizing for the accusations. And an explanation that she did it just because she was mad at me for not being willing to resume a relationship with her from a year before. Please note that I broke up with her after I found out she was pregnant from another guy (we had been dating exclusively “I though” for 2 years)

“because we still haven’t really had a paul-emma chill sesh since summmmerrrr”

Columbia. Ivy League.

Take away from this article. Don’t have casual sex.

1) Mandatory time limits within which to report said assault to POLICE (unless certified by psych that memory was impaired in a medically acknowledged way)

2) Prosecutions and punishment for blatant mischaracterization of sexual encounter into rape charge. (Lies) (too bad if it “stifles” reporting. That’s the whole point. Be factual or shut up)

3) Educational organizations or student political groups have no business adjudicating anything other than elections.
All alegations reported to Ed. Org are referred immediately to local POLICE.

4) Names and dates publicized. Whenever an accuser can be anonymous the likelihood of lies seeming acceptable to them rises.

5) Psychological exam of any accuser to determine ability to perceive reality accurately and honestly.

    platypus in reply to jakee308. | February 3, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    Re your first suggestion: the exemption for some psych dribble about memory means that there is a nice cottage industry waiting to start (selling memory exemptions).

    Other than that, I’d say if after thirty years of feminist propaganda some female somewhere doesn’t know how to call the police, she doesn’t deserve an audience for her Cry Rape performance art. What she does deserve is to be expelled from school and have all of her course credits suspended while they are reviewed for fraud.

    And she should be sent a bill for mattress disposal.

Lord pity her three future ex husbands.

    SeanInLI in reply to Andy. | February 3, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    She seems well along with her indoctrination that there won’t be any husbands in her future, but “partners”. Unless she goes gold-digging first.

    stevewhitemd in reply to Andy. | February 3, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    The cats should be fine…

    JackRussellTerrierist in reply to Andy. | February 4, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    There may not be any husbands for her, ex or otherwise.

    It seems like there’s a well-hidden agenda here to discourage romance and its traditional but varied ways of occurring. No husbands = no kids or else kids growing up poor. No kids or poor kids = bad economy. Bad economy = bad for capitalist society.

    Be it TV commercials, Stupid Bowl ads, college campuses, movies, politics, you name it, we are beating our traditional society to its deaths knell, especially with the assault on white males of European descent whom are more likely than minorities to raise and educate their children to work, favor initiative and creativity, be productive, be independent, take business and investment risks, behave civilly and to cherish this country’s founding principles.

When my son is college age I will advise him that the safest thing to do is to avoid sexual relationships. Sex outside marriage is not a good idea, but now there are enough women like Emma Sulkowicz out there to make it dangerous as well. Who wants to have their life ruined because an emotionally immature coed wants some attention?

Also, even though this has been pointed out before it is interesting how the media narrative on sex in college has gone full cycle:

100 years ago: sex is EVIL!
50 years ago: sex is natural, healthy and GOOD!
Now: sex is a tool of male domination and EVIL!

Henry Hawkins | February 3, 2015 at 2:48 pm

At my age, I’d give my left nut to be accused of rape by three coeds.

    To the 4 who down-voted Henry: Lighten up. Henry’s a harmless ol’ humorist.

    Oh, you say rape isn’t funny? OK. Then tell me where a rape occurred at Columbia and I’ll down vote Henry too!

    Hey you four. Didja hear about the lady who had a purple baby?

    That’s right. She was graped!

    (Rim shot!)

      Henry Hawkins in reply to Redneck Law. | February 3, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      It’s the victim trigger of instantly offended. Even here you have to remind some people that no rape occurred. No rape. Rape isn’t on the table here. False accusation is.

      Besides, I weigh my down votes same as my up votes, that is, I don’t weigh them at all. Whether up or down votes, they are rendered meaningless by being anonymous and without any stated reason offered.

      Humorist? Twain was a humorist. I just pay attention, lol.

      All “up” and “down” votes vanish after a few weeks anyway. Look at any post that’s more than three or four weeks old. The uptwinkle/downtwinkle buttons here are just to give people instant gratification, an ephemeral sense of “justice”.

As a man who survived a false allegation I can tell you – in direct relation to points made in this article – how this can snow ball.

The two women who came forward are my point.

ALL your actions that previously were simply part of the dating ritual are now viewed as very dark and with the view of you as a predator.

Try to get a girl alone?
Normal guy: He manuvered the situation so he and his love interest were alone and finally made a move on her.
Alleged rapist: He plotted to get her alone, to separate her from help, and then attempted to force himself on her.

Gal at a party likes that you bring her drinks:
Normal guy: He kept offering to bring her and her friends drink to take the opportunity to talk to her.
Alleged rapist: He tried to use alcohol to drug her so he could assault her.

Being flirty or hooking up a lot:
Normal Guy: Yep, he’s a normal guy.
Alleged rapist: A predator constantly creeping out women, on the prowel, and does not consider women people, but just objects.

Lastly – and this is important – play gender reversal on all of those. The very things feminists *claim* to have been fighting against: steretypes, slut shaming, inhibiting women’s sexual agency, and dictating “proper” actions in public for women is exactly what they put on men.

I swear this is “the revenge” generation.

I don’t get the mattress message. What’s the point? Am I missing a metaphor, or is this just performance art?

    Estragon in reply to MTED. | February 3, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    This young lady is disturbed.

    But once she began toting the mattress everywhere, how could she stop? It would send the message she had either resolved the case or her feelings about it.

    If the stupid shrew had given it any real thought, she would have just carried around a pillow.

      katasuburi in reply to Estragon. | February 3, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      KY Jelly would have been easier to haul around and closer to his story

      platypus in reply to Estragon. | February 3, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      You’re right of course but the main reason it’s a mattress is because the difficulty is intended to lend credibility to the idea that the rape had a serious negative effect on her. After all, nobody would go to such lengths if the story weren’t true, right? Only somebody who was REALLY traumatized would do something so strange, right?

      And I just love the shorts she wears and her shaved legs while she’s supposedly NOT trying to attract male sexual attention. Frankly, that outfit is as hot as she could get without appearing clearly slutty. Cripes.

Henry Hawkins | February 3, 2015 at 3:29 pm

Factor the number of females in college across the US with the number who are falsely accusing someone of rape and the story disappears. Given the prevalence of personality disorders, cognitive disorders, and plain old spite, the number is ‘normal’, that is, quite small. Makes a nice story for feminists, divisivists, and anyone wanting lots of article hits to milk, however. Create-A-Crisis.

What is out of line or out of order is the media attention placed on it, the encouragement it might provide to others with personality disorders, etc., and the way it diminishes the horror of genuine rape.

    healthguyfsu in reply to Henry Hawkins. | February 3, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    But but but like sooooo many go unreported…because it’s easy to estimate and quantify the number of times someone doesn’t do something.

    “and the way it diminishes the horror of genuine rape.”

    Your last point is the big one, for me. This girls was not raped. She just did not get as much consensual sex as she wanted. That hurts. I’m sorry. It happened to me, too. But, a guy’s failure to have sex is not rape.

Its obvious while this young man was found not guilty of rape and misconduct, he was immediately found guilty of being a male heterosexual* which of course makes him unworthy or due process.

This is a perfect example of why the justice system should be handling these cases and not some academic kangaroo court made up of professors and other students.

I R A Darth Aggie | February 3, 2015 at 4:39 pm

Note to self: do not have sex with someone crazier than I am.

If you think you have been raped, call the police, not your dean.

If it takes you a year to decide you were raped, you probably were not.

    healthguyfsu in reply to Loren. | February 3, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    A million times this

    ….if you even have to ask yourself was I raped? then you probably weren’t (only exception is if you are in shock).

Decision, decisions. Does this horror remind me of the Salem Witch Trials or a Soviet show trial?


Accuse an old boyfriend of rape — empowerment, baby! It’s all the rage.

Oh this is ridiculous:

I can understand that rape is traumatic and the victims should be handled with kid gloves, but there seems to be a push for some kind of “right” of the victim to wait for months and months before they report the rape to the proper authorities. This is the exact opposite of what should be happening. Our justice system runs on evidence. In the case of a rape (and really, almost any crime), the closer in time to the crime that you can start gathering, safeguarding, organizing and analyzing evidence, the clearer and more convincing the picture that prosecutors can present to a jury. If these “feminists” were truly concerned about women’s well-being, they would be emphasizing the need for women to report rapes AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Not providing excuses for why they take months and months to even mention them.

Even from a healing standpoint, if she needs therapy, reporting the crime would absolutely expedite her getting the counseling she needs. Why on earth would anyone truly interested in the actual physical and mental well-being of the victim of a rape advocate that they take as much time as they want to report their rape?

    Henry Hawkins in reply to cazinger. | February 3, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    Failing to report rape enables and empowers the rapist.

    I used to conduct in-prison groups (Central Prison, Raleigh NC) with violent offenders, rapists second in number (in that unit) to felony assaults – shooter/stabber maimers and killers, with plenty of overlap. Their minds don’t operate like ours. Rapists commonly ‘justify’ rape (their version of justification) by pointing out how so many go unreported. One fellow sticks in the memory. He claims one in ten reported over his 20 year career as a burglar/rapist. Anecdotal and of dubious veracity, I know.

      Carol Herman in reply to Henry Hawkins. | February 4, 2015 at 12:13 am

      You’re at Columbia. Not some prison universe. Her parents are psychiatrists. So one thing is for sure. She knows about “symbolism” and “therapeutic talk” better than most people.

      And, I’d bet she’s carrying around a dorm mattress. What if lots of students at Columbia start walking around with school property?

      Yes, this chick is weird. And, also photogenic.

      Back in the 1950’s, the “big deals” on campuses were panty raids.

      Here? Pretty girl. Obviously had the grades to get into Columbia. But did anyone know the guy’s name before this article? Wasn’t it just the visual of this dame carrying around her mattress? Now, when she walks into a classroom, where does she put her mattress?

      Gremlin1974 in reply to Henry Hawkins. | February 4, 2015 at 2:09 am

      Not on topic at all, but Henry thanks for your service to our prison population. I used to work with criminally insane drug abusers, it is a very hard and usually thankless job, so I wanted to be one that actually said thank you.

    Mannie in reply to cazinger. | February 4, 2015 at 8:21 am

    cazinger: I don’t think it is so much that the trauma caused her to delay reporting it. It is that iot took time for the pshrinkoid and uber feminist (AKA radical lesbian) crowd to convince her that she had been raped and was thus traumatized. The trauma had to be built.

    If you look at this from the perspective of man-hating lesbian activism, it makes perfect sense. Everything men do is evil and oppressive.

    I am glad I went to an Engineering school in the 70s. It’s hard to politicize Mechanics of Materials.

    JackRussellTerrierist in reply to cazinger. | February 5, 2015 at 5:02 am

    Newsflash to the author of the article – it’s hard to talk about rape when there is no rape.

The mattress this woman is carrying around is the least of her baggage.

She dialed 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S and left off the last S for scumbag.

They say ‘crazy in the head = crazy in bed.’ But what if she carries the bed around with her? That’s foolishly crazy.

Char Char Binks | February 4, 2015 at 4:00 pm

I just followed her on Facebook, because she’s pretty.

Read the Title IX investigation report on this. She was caught lying many times to the police and campus security. She has zero credibility.

    Gremlin1974 in reply to BrianMacker. | February 4, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Yes but Facts, Logic, and Reason don’t matter to this bunch. Especially when they are as disturbed as this young lady appears to be, she has probably convinced herself or allowed herself to be convinced that events happened differently than they did.

    Gremlin1974 in reply to BrianMacker. | February 4, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Hey, Brian can you link that report?

As a public service to young men attending college, all you need to know is explained in the “Hot/Crazy Matrix”

So is she still packing around the mattress?