WaPo instructs women on how to find a feminist boyfriend
Only emasculated men need apply
The fight to emasculate men rages on amongst our “feminist” friends. Lisa Bonos’ editorial How to Find a Feminist Boyfriend is simply the latest example.
For all the talk of equality and partnership, there’s not one single mention of equality or partnership. True to form, the “feminist” definition of the aforementioned virtues translates into something along the lines of “this relationship is all about me and my insecurities as an individual, so either you’re cool with that or this isn’t going to work out, because feminism.”
That being said, Bonos’ editorial provides a hilarious take on dating, albeit unintentionally.
So how does one procure a feminist boyfriend?
Apparently, to find this evasive diamond in the rough, one must adhere to a handful of principles, the first being to define what you want.
Is he a feminist if he proclaims, on a first date, that he could see himself taking his wife’s last name? (Maybe his own name is pretty generic.) If he insists on doing the dishes after you’ve cooked dinner together but proceeds to whip the dish towel at your ass, is that playful or objectifying? (Both.) Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up? (Definitely.)
Let us pause and reflect upon the fact that whipping a dish towel is now considered objectifying behavior. But don’t worry, it gets worse.
Here’s how I’m defining it: Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles. Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind. (As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first, then put that one back up for debate.)
A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career. He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career.
“If you’re a woman who wants a man to grab you and kiss you because that’s what sweeps you off your feet, realistically, a feminist man is not going to do that,” says Rita Goodroe, a 38-year-old life coach in Northern Virginia who works mostly with singles. “He’s going to ask for permission.”
“Hi liberated, empowered, non-gender inhibited female, would you find it offensive to the years of oppression your foremothers endured if I kissed you?” I mean, what could possibly be hotter than that? So romantic.
A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. He’s sensitive to the fact that women’s bodies are frequently judged, abused and legislated, and takes no part in that. He gets it.
In sum: me, me, me, me, lame, lame, lame. How can we possibly take the fun out of everything in life? Oh yes—feminism.
The next piece of sage feminist-man-hunting advice suggests asking for what you want. Unfortunately, that subsection provides no exposition for asking for what you want; rather, it complains for approximately five paragraphs that men don’t list “feminist” as an affiliation on their phone dating app profiles. I wish I was kidding.
And if you really want to snag that feminist man, you can’t be afraid to make the first move (and you’ll probably have to because, well, feminism of course!) .
I’ve long believed that dating like a feminist — which often involves making the first move — will weed out many of the guys with more rigid ideas about gender and relationships. It might also help identify the feminist man who doesn’t want to come on too strong or who feels it isn’t necessarily his responsibility to signal interest.
Downey, for example, asked her Marxist feminist out on their first two dates. And I interviewed two 24-year-old men — they consider themselves feminists — whose girlfriends either asked them out first or sent the first message on Tinder. “I’m not good at reaching out,” one of them told me.
Marxist feminist. A man voluntarily self-identifies as a Marxist feminist and gets chicks to ask him out. He’s either in the running for Most Ridiculous Person Alive, or is a truly brilliant player.
And finally, to date a femiman, one must understand that he’s not the only one who should be strong and sensitive. Translation: “I was just too strong, self-assured, and too good at everything in life to be bothered to share feelings. So he dumped me. It’s like totally his fault for not understanding how awesome I really am. Plus strong, liberated, and FEMINIST.” Colloquially, we have another word for this type of behavior, but I digress.
Sometimes expressing feelings doesn’t feel “brave” or “bold,” but stereotypically girly.
When Annie Werner tells me about her recent breakup — “I was dumped because my self-assuredness was unrelatable” — her indignation is extremely relatable.
“It just never seems like you were open to self-doubt,” Werner said her ex told her, a critique that she says came out of nowhere. “There were never moments of vulnerability, which are often moments that lead to real intimacy.”
At first she thought this breakup rationale was ridiculous. But once she thought about how she — and other women like her — has built herself up “as this feminist, this self-assured woman, this strong person,” she realized that “it becomes harder to access the more feminine parts of yourself that could be more positive.”
“There’s this persona we create for ourselves that doesn’t compute with vulnerability,” she added.
Exactly. Because a woman at her most vulnerable could be taken advantage of. And that’s no one’s feminist fantasy.
Some call the unwillingness to be vulnerable “feminism,” and a byproduct of the overbearing patriarchy; but most call it “insecurity” (because it is).
What did the commenters think of Bonos’ tips? Far be it from us to prevent your access to the hilarity (justifiably so) that manifested in the comments section:
If you’re the kind of woman who needs constant validation from her significant other, then this WaPo editorial is for you. But I think I’ll stay over here in reality.
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Feminists need to get out more.
Rather than having feminism as the priority, I think women would be better served by finding prospective spouses who will be rock-solid faithful and loyal for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
Until the woman gets tired and divorces them, taking the children and leaving the bills?
or, as Kyle Smith re-labeled it “How to Remain Single Until You’re Maureen Dowd’s Age”
As in the Democrats’ website “Julia”, it would appear that any male would have to match up to the non-judgmental rich surrogate family member/significant other that the Federal Government has become to these feminists. No wonder many males are jumping ship on ANY relationship with the opposite sex. “High maintenance” has taken on a whole new dimension.
Thank you, Kemberlee.
You just made me really glad I’m not a young man looking for a woman. 😉
The perfect gift for the Wymyn Who Wants a Feminist Boyfriend:
Cat toys. Lots of ’em. The kind with real catnip inside are cool.
One needs a little water and cat chow. The kitty litter will come as a self-defense item…
What are you wishing on precious animals?
Thank the Lord I am married!
Delighted to find Wapo so concerned about us girls now, and so profoundly and meaningfully. Here is another brilliant piece:
OMG – and did they pick “just ordinary women” to get the ideas from or what!?
Take the time to read their job titles too – and see how many are attention junkies who thrive on creating conflict, finding ‘offense’ at any and all speech they disagree with, and who *never* show empathy for anyone outside of their “intersectionality group” (their self-chosen-&-identified “I’m special” group)
WWSCD, is how I approach most things in life — What Would Sean Connery Do?
Why doesn’t Lisa Bonos just call for women to become lesbians and be done with it? That is where she is heading with this, and at least it would be honest.
Two “Me Firsters” in a relationship?
The only difference between a feminist boyfriend and a gay boyfriend is that the gay boyfriend has a more fashionable wardrobe.
…AND a kick-ass collection of Barbara Streisand albums…
I think a feminist boyfriend would have that collection…
What makes you think there’s a difference?
Oh, please, Washington Post, keep publishing articles like this! Keep it up for the next two years, and watch the Repubs land the Presidency and a veto-proof majority in Congress!
A feminist man wears footie pajamas, while sipping hot coco and dreaming about Obamacare.
I have a very negative, visceral reaction to feminist men. They make my skin crawl.
Same here, regarding the creep factor.
The more I read, the happier I am that I’m such an old woman that I beat this insanity. As far as empowerment, the only thing I’ve seen from the feminists is their perceived power and duty to make the rest of humanity miserable.
If a feminist really thinks she’s “all that,” why is she looking for a boyfriend?
You hit the nail on the head. When I was in my mid-20’s I was *very* well built, had zero problems getting dates, and was quite cocky.
But – there was a problem. One type of woman would not date me (ok, they’d “hook up” with me, but then drop me) and I could not figure out why.
Women who were serious in life, had well laid out plans, and who were heading to the elites would not take me seriously.
So – one day, when lamenting to my dad about this conumdrum he just started laughing – at me. I was like:
“Ok, what’s so funny? What’s the joke.”
My father replied:
“Well, let’s see – you’re built like a greek statue, you’re outgoing, popular, funny, intelligent, and yet – and yet you can’t get these women, who are serious about their lives, to take you seriously. And … you don’t see the problem?”
Me: “Um, no”
Dad: “Ok, let’s explore the concept of the common denominator. If you’re as wonderful as you THINK you are, then all types of women, to include those serious ones, would be beating a path to your door and demanding you put a ring on their finger. Since that’s not happening, the common denominator is you. Fix YOU.”
Now, not the answer I wanted – but I could not argue with him. I had to take a serious look at myself and grow up, and make changes.
Apparently Lisa Bonos has never had anyone who loved her enough (or brave enough) to break it to her – the solution is not that the entire world needs to cater to her whims or desires, but that SHE needs to adjust to the world.
But – she’s a feminist – and personal growth is not a character trait I associate with feminist women.
“Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind. (As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first, then put that one back up for debate.)”
The thing here is, if you ask a man for a date and expect him to pay for it, you’re a “working girl”, “street walker”, “pavement princess” or other suitable euphemism.
I want to submit a new title; “How to become a bitter old maid by 40.”
Yep, that pretty much covers it.
I think they’re already that.
Bonos’ next piece of drivel will be, “How to Achieve An Orgasm Despite Having a Feminist Boyfriend. (Batteries not included.)”
This is so typical of a feminist woman: Here are my “reasonable” demands, and I promise nothing in return.
Feminism, as practiced today, is nothing more than appeal to authority tool for power and control in relationships, academia, business, and government.
The gal (or guy) can say “but, but, but FEMINISM says … “ – meanwhile what she’s doing is getting what SHE wants, and taking no responsibility for it being a straight up power play / demand.
Feminist women are also one sided as hell – I dated 2 of them in college (hey, I was young, horny, and didn’t know any better!) – and it was all about them. They could dictate how I spoke, how I expressed my views on the world, what “our” (not hers, ever) boundaries were during the relationship, and, of course **during sex** our intimacy was “all based on feminism” – which meant she got what she wanted and I was allowed & graced to get what she felt like giving.
Why did you ever date the second one?
Ya know – I was going to reply with some “throw away comment” similar to Immolate’s : sex.
But that would be simplistic.
I also would add:
Because I was naive.
Because I took feminist women at face value when they said they were looking for equality.
Because I was gullible enough to believe that if I simply explained to a feminist how a particular idea was one sided and unfair, that she, being interested in fairness and equality, would “see the light” and adjust her actions to reflect the new information.
Men, stereotypically and generally, tend to be direct and upfront. Women, stereotypically and generally, tend to use a lot more subtext and be more indirect.
Feminist women, IMO, take all the negative feminine traits, or traits that can be both good and bad, and become incredibly toxic – and worse – then demand that others accept that (they will NOT conform, dammit!), and expect others to let them be in control.
And really – that’s the bottom line – it’s all about control – excercising power using the appeal to authority and the supposed moral high ground. And all the while being smugly assured they supposedly have the moral high ground.
The takeaway here is all good – liberals are largely incapable of reproduction and could never maintain their populations.
…but to them, that is a feature. Not a bug.
Remember: they HATE people. As in “humanity”.
Let them extinct themselves. Healthy, grounded, red-blooded happy-to-breed red-staters will pick up the slack.
Respectfully, I hear that comment a lot – and it’s naive and ignorant.
Kids are not born conservative or liberal or libertarian or [whatever].
It’s why progressives (wisely – though I hate it) have taken over education.
I hope two things right now:
1. You move to my town.
2. You play poker.
You thought we believed political ideology is a physically inheritable trait and WE’RE the ignorant, naive ones? LOL
To be clear, these are women for whom young men will smile and nod to like a yellow lab with the sole intent of using them for sex and the dropping them like a bad habit when the allure of sexual depravity no longer outweighs dealing with their endless nonsense. At which point a man should discover he has the spine and cajones to attract a woman who knows how to take care of a man as only a budding future matriarch of a large family can.
That era of feminist’s life where the young men smile and nod while they write and believe crap like this gives them the illusion that what they say is both smart, right, and interesting…when in fact it is none of the above.
The feminist will be old, angry, manless and probably a bitter single mom of a troubled kid (if she doesn’t have an abortion or destroys her body’s ability to have kids after endless abortions). She’d better be good at the REALLY naughty stuff when she starts to lose her looks cuz the competition gets tougher the later they believe that drivel.
The wife whose husband can’t cook a meal to save his life and won’t change a diaper if there was a thousand dollars at stake is appreciated, loved and her value is that above rubies to her family. Not to be one sided, it’s a certainty he’s doing stuff to justify that level of support on the home front. Cuz when you got that, life is damn good. DAMN GOOD.
And she REALLY got trolled.
The things a teenage boy will put up with for sex.
“How to Find a Feminist Boyfriend” by Gorgon/Medusa Publishers.
Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged
With snakes for hair— hated of mortal man—
I would think a feminist would reject the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing altogether, a relic of the patriarchal, religio-patriarchi-fascist past where men seek only to esablish dominance over their chosen sperm bank, those bastards! Why, even the word ‘friend’ compounded to ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ is a deceptive euphemism, and a… a… microaggression! Yes! A microaggression! Damn, liberalism is easy! Finding offense is a breeze! You get buckets full of darts and a forty foot wide ceiling to floor dartboard!
(Feminists don’t ‘find’ a boyfriend, they hire one).