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A status update on two of America’s dumbest criminals

A status update on two of America’s dumbest criminals

At Legal Insurrection, it sometimes is worthwhile taking a look at the fruits of American justice.

I have some intriguing updates to share on two of our country’s most notorious idiotic criminals.

Readers may recall that the son of Mike Kernell,a Democratic congressman from Tennessee, hacked Sarah Palin’s email account during her 2008 run with John McCain for the presidency. David Kernell was subsequently convicted and spent a year in jail, followed by probation.

He is now free on early probation.

Kernell’s prison term ended in November 2011. He was scheduled to remain on probation until November 2014. This month, though, the federal judge who oversaw the case, Thomas Phillips, agreed to Kernell’s request to end his probation early.

…Phillips didn’t want to send Kernell to prison in the first place. He had ordered the college student to report to a halfway house in Knoxville. However, the U.S. Bureau of Prisons overruled Thomas and instead sent the 22-year-old straight to the pokey.

Professor Jacobson will be thrilled to learn of the young man’s next step: “Kernell’s future plans involved – wait for it – law school, according to Memphis station WMC. He wants to be a defense attorney but plans to take some time off – of something – before entering a J.D. program.”

The second genius was recently convicted of murder, courtesy of a tattoo of the crime scene on his chest.

A California gang member was convicted Wednesday of first-degree murder after authorities say a tattoo on his chest depicting the murder scene led to his apprehension. 25-year-old Anthony Garcia (pictured above) could face life in prison for his role in the 2004 shooting at a Pico Rivera liquor store.

Garcia eluded police until 2008 when he was picked up for driving with a suspended license. Suspecting that he was an active member of the Rivera-13 gang, police then photographed his tattoos and took a mugshot.

While looking for leads on an entirely different crime, Det. Sgt. Kevin Lloyd came across Garcia’s picture in the mug book when something struck him: “it looked like a murder from way back when.” He then drove to the liquor store named on Garcia’s tattoo and cross-referenced with the old case file.

Lloyd was so struck by the detailed accuracy of the tattoo that he called it a “crime scene sketch and a confession.”

Garcia’s tattoo captured the night of the shooting, from the Christmas lights outside the liquor store to the bent light post in the store’s parking lot to the convalescent home called the Rivera, next door to the liquor store. The scene shows a chopper spraying bullets on a victim. Garcia’s gang nickname is “Chopper.” The victim, John Juarez, is depicted as a Mr. Peanut. The peanut is commonly used as a symbol of a rival gang in Pico Rivera, Lloyd said. The crime scene is under a tattoo on Garcia’s neck that reads “Rivera Kills.”

Perhaps someday Kernell will represent Garcia!


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Carol Herman | July 25, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Oh, gee. Thomas Phillips is da’ judge. What if, to become a judge, he had to post his Bar score? How came, after someone “passes da’ bar” the test he took goes into the garbage?

I think the “award” for stupidity goes to da’ judge. The hacker kid? He’s probably got advanced skills on Ed Snowden. So why not let him become a “contractor” into whose lap would fall any remaining State secrets? It’s not as if lawyers are doing you proud when they go into government.

Carol Herman | July 25, 2013 at 2:14 pm

An old story. Back in the 1930’s. Coney Island. There’s a wedding venue place on the corner; like the wedding scene in On The Waterfront. Music is supplied by a jukebox.

It is Saturday night. The liquor store, next door, is robbed. And, the clerk is shot to death. Not much room to make a getaway. The murderer enters the wedding venue. And, mingles.

The cops want the bride or the groom to identify the murderer, mingling among the guests. They’re not very helpful.

So, the “Black Mariah” is called in. That’s the black van police used to transport criminals to jail. Only, here, they stick in the bride, who realizes a night in jail wouldn’t be the same as her wedding night. Where she’d yell: “IT hurts! It hurts!” And, instead, in the holding cell some other broad could vomit all over her dress. If not exactly tear her hair out.

Copes made a collar that night!

But we’ve added rules to the “game” and cops can’t use common sense anymore.

Looks like a couple of good prospects for becoming career democrats. No shame or smarts required…

Carol Herman | July 25, 2013 at 4:08 pm

Ah, Grumpy One two more votes in either direction doesn’t really change outcomes. And, the GOP tens to drift into lousy outcomes. For instance, sex only occurs among married people. And, there are no weirdos. Because this is cleared up on Sundays at Church. (FACT: NO. IT’S NOT.)

Then you have the bible thumping. (I didn’t make up these words.) They are there because lots of people don’t want their religion dictated to them. They like to discover these things on their own.

Now, until 1971 or 1972 terminating pregnancies meant women had to find back alleys. Some lost their lives. And, some only lost their fertility. Doctors, in emergency rooms had to staunch the blood flow. And, cure the infections. And, those were the lucky ones.

Obama, born in 1961 shows ya that the 17 year old, sexual active, Stanley Ann Dunham didn’t have access to even a street abortion. So she toodles off to the State of Washington. To Seattle. Which probably had a thriving adoption business. And, lawyers who finagled birth certificates. Why, you might ask? Well, to prevent any adopted child to ever get a single link to his or her mom might be. This was one of those terrible secrets.

Some kids found out they were adopted when a cousin dropped the secret out by telling the youngster “you were adopted.

So why was Barry not adopted? Because he was mixed race. And, adopting couples always wanted white ones.

Today, people no longer know these stories. And, even before Roe, in the mid-60’s, after we had a president assassinated and his killers never even identified … We lept head first into the sexual revolution.

    Crawford in reply to Carol Herman. | July 25, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    “in the mid-60′s, after we had a president assassinated and his killers never even identified”

    Lee Harvey Oswald.

    You’re welcome.

      NeoConScum in reply to Crawford. | July 25, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      Crawford…That’s way too complex an answer for our little troll. Carol, IF, you ever expose your adorable self to the unaccustomed terror of critical thought, read Gerald Posner’s great,”Case Closed”.


        jayjerome66 in reply to NeoConScum. | July 25, 2013 at 6:21 pm

        Why disparage her as a troll?
        For what ever reasons, her mind often skips like a stone on water..
        And the connecting dots not always apparent..
        Coherency isn’t all it’s cracked up to be..
        And condescension is the key mark of inferior intellect

      Carol Herman in reply to Crawford. | July 25, 2013 at 8:28 pm

      There were 2 look-alike “lee harvey oswald’s” and the CIA ran them both. Plus, the wound that killed JFK came from the front.

    NeoConScum in reply to Carol Herman. | July 25, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    More for my daily memoir titled: YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY MAKE THIS S*** UP!!

    Thank you, carol dear. No, really, Thank You.

jayjerome66 | July 25, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Yeah, a dopy email hacker. But he was smart enough to hack Palin’s password by guessing it. They both must have been on the same double digit IQ wavelength. Two lost dopes on the highway of life.

    Dr Weevil in reply to jayjerome66. | July 25, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    If you’d been paying attention at the time, you’d know that the ‘hacker’ took advantage of a security flaw in standard password systems. If you tell them you lost your password, they’ll give you another one if you answer a couple of questions that no one else is supposed to know: mother’s maiden name, first pet’s name, high-school mascot, date of father’s or mother’s birth, and so on. The problem is that it’s not all that hard to find out those kinds of things about a famous person. You can criticize Palin for not realizing that some people would sink so low as to read her e-mails, but the guy didn’t ‘guess’ her password, which means you’re either a liar or a fool.

    A famous person would be well-advised to give fake answers to all those questions, but then they would be even harder to remember than the actual password, which defeats the purpose of the workaround. I suppose you could fake them in some standard way – add ‘x-‘ to all names and subtract 7 years from all dates or something like that.

    Finally, being too nice to realize just how low some people on the other side will sink – what’s the opposite of paranoia? – is a shortcoming in politics, but also a sign of good character.

      BannedbytheGuardian in reply to Dr Weevil. | July 26, 2013 at 3:41 am

      The hotmail account was most likely an old one from before she became Governor that was only used for family & friends.

      One would think the RNC people would look to secure all Internet presence if they were not so keen on back stabbing her.

      Naysay – if Palin is a dope what does that make. The NSA CIA etc brought down by a high school GED?

      From what we know now – it may not have been the kid alone . He might have had some help . It is not as if he is unconnected .

        inquisitivemind in reply to BannedbytheGuardian. | July 26, 2013 at 11:08 am

        Wouldn’t be so quick to discredit a GED holder’s abilities with regards to IT systems.
        There are several categories of kids that end up down the road of the GED and it appears in Snowden’s case he was the socially inept kid that didn’t like the structural constraints placed on him in school – I’ve hired a few of these types. They are extremely good at what they do in the IT field

Carol Herman | July 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

The GOP serves those with a closed mind. Which is always why they fall short in the polls. NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP. EITHER.