How do we know AR-15s are the single most lethal weapon on the planet? Because they’re SO LOUD. LOUD, YOU HEAR ME?! LOUD!!!!

This is one of those things that must be read to be believed, and no, this was not found in The Onion, amazingly.

New York Daily News reporter Gersh Kuntzman set out to test shoot an AR-15. “It feels like a bazooka — and sounds like a cannon,” he writes.

A cannon. And Bazooka? The same bazooka also known as a “recoilless rifle“?

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess this dude has never shot a 12 gauge before.

But it just gets worse from there.

Many gun shops turned down our request to fire and discuss the AR-15, a style of tactical machine gun popular with mass killers such as San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook and Orlando terrorist Omar Mateen.

Except for the fact that there WAS NO AR-15 USED IN THE ORLANDO TERRORIST ATTACK.

Kuntzman finally found a taker to let him play with this bazooka-like cannon weapon of mass destruction and then assumed that the gun shop owner, Frank Stelmach, was not like the average gun owner. Why? Because Stelmach doesn’t like murder.

But Frank Stelmach of Double Tap Shooting Range and Gun Shop invited me, videographer Michael Sheridan and reporter Adam Shrier to come down. Stelmach is not like many gun lovers. He admires his weaponry, yes, and has difficulty explaining why law-abiding citizens need a gun that can empty a 40-round clip in less than five seconds. But he also hates the idea that “bad people” get a hold of a gun like this and use it to kill without difficulty.

Then we get to the really fun part; the part where Kuntzman describes his brush with barrel shrouded death, which he claims bruised his shoulder and gave him PTSD.

Not in my hands. I’ve shot pistols before, but never something like an AR-15. Squeeze lightly on the trigger and the resulting explosion of firepower is humbling and deafening (even with ear protection).

The recoil bruised my shoulder. The brass shell casings disoriented me as they flew past my face. The smell of sulfur and destruction made me sick. The explosions — loud like a bomb — gave me a temporary case of PTSD. For at least an hour after firing the gun just a few times, I was anxious and irritable.

If a .223 rifle bruises your shoulder, you should eat more bananas.

Kuntzman also claims the gun had a fully automatic mode, which any moderately educated citizen knows is not something anyone can walk into their local armory and buy off the shelf. Even our fine Lone Star State legislators questioned this claim:

The anti-scary-looking-gun-derangement-syndrome knows no bounds, apparently.

[Featured image a screenshot from video included in above-mocked post]

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