WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama used his weekly radio address on Saturday to reassure the American people that he has “played no role whatsoever” in the U.S. government over the past four years.
“Right now, many of you are angry at the government, and no one is angrier than I am,” he said. “Quite frankly, I am glad that I have had no involvement in such an organization.”
The President’s outrage only increased, he said, when he “recently became aware of a part of that government called the Department of Justice.”
“The more I learn about the activities of these individuals, the more certain I am that I would not want to be associated with them,” he said. “They sound like bad news.”
Mr. Obama closed his address by indicating that beginning next week he would enforce what he called a “zero tolerance policy on governing.”
“If I find that any members of my Administration have had any intimate knowledge of, or involvement in, the workings of the United States government, they will be dealt with accordingly,” he said.
[UGH, there I go again, should have noted this was parody, although it is so close to reality it is believable.]
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nothing to see here just more pandering for pity
All of us whiners about his golfing should be grateful. Just think of all the damage he wasn’t doing when he was golfing? Besides, Michelle doesn’t golf, so he has a chance to smoke without complaints. He can always come back just in time, like when he snuffed out 0sama. Great work if you can get it.
‘As an African American you have to work twice as hard’…OBOZO’s commencement address to ALL BLACK (and therefore racist) Morehouse College, 19 MAY 13.
….and, once again for OBOZO, it’s DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO.
His statement might be true. After all, he has spent multiple time getting ready for parties, , visiting celebrities, golf, ice cream and burger sorties, vacations, date nights and fund raising. Not to mention cobbling together budgets (or wish lists)each year a two year old would reject as unsustainable. How could he have time to do his job? His statements would be vastly amusing if they were not so pathetic and the subjects so serious. He sounds like a kid trying to get out of a spanking for bad behavior instead of the most powerful person on the planet. “Not me” over and over again. Notice, however, how front and center he was when osama bin laden was killed. You would have thought he pulled the trigger himself. I knew in 2008 it would be bad but I had no idea how bad. We have an infant in the WH with a childlike mind surrounded by like minded people and it can only get worse.
Under the bus the rest of his administration goes. If I were one of them, I would be trembling in my boots waiting for the axe to fall. They had ALL better start lawyering up because the end is near for as many of them that it takes to save himself. This guy would repudiate even michelle if it meant self survival.
Ha! I guess Borowitz figures he won’t get audited.
The truth is funnier. Bozo trotted out an underling today to scold the critics and assure us that the prez is “doing the people’s work.” People’s Republic, that is.
Time for a Gettysburg:
“Look, if you’re tangled up in scandals, you didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because he’s abusing power. There are a lot of people abusing power out there. It must be because he’s more arrogant than everybody else. Let me tell you something — there are a whole bunch of arrogant people out there. (Applause.)
If you were involved in a cover up, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great IRS commissioner somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievably corrupt system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in access and influence. If you’ve got a scandal — you didn’t create that. Somebody else made that happen.”
LoL!
This just in: Sen. Spreading Bull is focused on “rogue employees” who are getting hammered.
LoL!ROFL! It gets better every time I reread it!Bravo! Brilliant!
Well thank goodness!! We have Obama on our side against the most malevolent administration ever!
Now, let’s see…who’s in charge?
“they will be dealt with accordingly”
so will Barry Soetero be dealing with them the same way he dealt with Frank Vandersloot, who incurred 80K in legal fees fighting off tax audits after being targeted by Soetero in a public way??
Great Balls of Fire! This is enough to make me cry, even though I’m running water over it right now! My goodness gracious, what’s next?
“zero
tolerance policyon governing.”Damn, he told the truth for the first time, kinda’ sorta.
He most reminds me of Brezhnev albeit with a more mobile face & without the military parades & without an Olympic Games.
Imagine if Chicago had have won the Olympic Games & he & his henchmen & celebrities were statuesqely seated in the stadium , their portraits on posters around the city , …the people subdued by the almighty IRS.
It would make a great movie but no one would dare to star in it.
Obama says he’s a “black man”. Lie! He’s mixed race.Race is a tool he uses to achieve political objectives.It’s like all the women he dated throughout his life were white … until he decided he wanted a political career, then he hooked up with Worf.
There’s no value to him in being a mulatto, so he forgets about that until it’s time to remind a particular audience that his mother was white.
Juba; that was completely disgusting and uncalled for! I can’t believe you would stoop to that kind of name calling!! I suggest that the good Professor remove your comment over the lack of sensitivity towards Worf. Worf has worked against difficult odds his whole life to establish his position as Lieutenant Commander of Starfleet.
Michelle…. Not so much. Besides, I think she more closely resembles The Predator.
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DC = Denial Central