Whitney Cummings Roasts Democrats: No Primary Since ‘They Were Too Busy Holding a Dead Body Upright’
“Kamala Harris was forced on us so hard, you think she was patented by Pfizer. Or Moderna. Whichever one.”
Comedian Whitney Cummings blasted Democrats, Kamala Harris, and the media in her Roast of 2024 on CNN.
Cummings left Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper speechless. She couldn’t believe CNN didn’t cut her off.
Here are a few clips.
Cummings said:
2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn’t hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright. Are we still rolling?
It was amazing that the pro choice party didn’t give their voters one when it came to the presidential candidate. Kamala Harris was forced on us so hard, you think she was patented by Pfizer. Or Moderna. Whichever one. Oh, God. Andy just gave me a very scary look.
No, I love going around the country because you see that Americans really are more reasonable than they would be portrayed. They’re pretty great, and I’m playing bigger and bigger venues now. I thought being a mom would mean that less people want to come see me. I’m not playing like 3000 seats, which is about the viewership of CNN these days. Not this show, though. All eyes are on this show.
🚨 LMAO! Comedian Whitney Cummings is absolutely ROASTING Kamala Harris and CNN… while on CNN 🤣🔥
“Kamala was forced on us so hard you’d think she was patented by Pfizer!”
“I’m now playing like 3,000 seat theaters, which is about the viewership of CNN these days.”
She’s… pic.twitter.com/aZvnH6o5AQ
— Nick Sortor (@nicksortor) January 1, 2025
Cummings also decided to talk about a few stories the establishment media did not want to talk about:
What’s behind them [the drones]? No idea. I mean, they’re still up in the sky, so. I guess we can rule out that they were made by Boeing.
The point is, I think we all agree on a lot of things. And since I only have a minute left, live on establishment media.
Why don’t we just say a bunch of things that we know that they’ll never cover. Okay, ready? Go.
Trump shooter didn’t have any silverware in his house. No one thought that was weird?
Are we still rolling? Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia put money into Disney, so just know there won’t be any girl characters in next Cars movie. Are we still rolling? This is wild. Okay.
Why are so many president chefs dying? Weird.
The Boy Scouts of America they renamed itself Scouting America. You know who else changed their name? Sean Combs. Just saying.
The media has reported about the drones over New Jersey. I didn’t know that Rep. Eli Crane mentioned that Thomas Crooke’s house had no silverware. I couldn’t find much information about that.
I can’t find information about the Saudi Arabian Crown Prince pouring money into Disney, but apparently, the giant has been trying to bring him in.
In 2023, former President Barack Obama’s chef Tafari Campbell was found dead. Cummings is correct about other presidential chefs. In June 2015, Walter Scheib, the chef under former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, drowned near Taos, New Mexico.
Legal Insurrection wrote about the Boy Scouts changing its name, but from what I can recall, it did not receive much media attention.
I had a super long list of “things the mainstream media won’t cover” but only included ones I super duper was able to fact check! Thanks for everyone on X who sent me some when I asked in a post yesterday ❤️🫡 pic.twitter.com/1eVoGQ40Fq
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 1, 2025
Amazing.
Cummings took to X to reveal other jokes and news stories she cut from her segment. I also included the entire six-minute appearance.
Another joke I cut for time: Kamala Harris went on the podcast “Call Her Daddy.” She should have called her actual daddy and asked for a better pic for her team to photoshop a McDonald’s hat onto
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 1, 2025
I mean, I did cut a couple jokes for CNN believe it or not: “every time you guys mention balls dropping, producers on Nickalodeon shows tune out”
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 1, 2025
I roasted the democrats so now we count down the minutes till Obama calls me a "speaker"
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 1, 2025
@realwhitneycummingsFull CNN roast of 2025 set here 😬♬ original sound – WhitneyCummings
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Comments
Anderson Cooper looks like someone just hit him between the eyes with a two-by-four. About time…
Wasn’t that the same Cooper that had the unfunny drunk chick who held up a bloody head of Trump? You would think he would be used to bloodletting considering the viewers CNN is losing on a daily basis.
“They were too busy holding a dead body upright”
Which one best describes Biden?
a. the hollow man
b. the corpse man
c. the zombie who became president
d. the man without a mind
e. the country without a president
F. All the above.
.
Weekend at Joe’s
I’ve been calling it the “Weekend at Biden’s” administration.
Latest news cycle has seen some mea culpa’s from the mainstream propagandists talking about how ‘some of them’, they never personally take responsibility, covered up Biden’s decline in 2024. As if they weren’t fully aware throughout the entire election cycle in 2019-20 that Biden was virtually brain dead with senile dementia.
They’ve been propping him up for at least five years now, not just this past year.
Biden picked Kamela as a bulwark against the 25th
And the party of slavery ran her, relying on dominion and other fraud machinations
Kudos to Laura
“I didn’t know that Rep. Eli Crane mentioned that Thomas Crooke’s house had no silverware.”
How about garlic?
Whitney Cummings is MAGIC!
Amazing sense of humour and was able to relate so much information that was funny and truthful when she thought she only had a few seconds.
While I don’t think Whitney Cummings is going MAGA, or even just Republican, I do think she’s had enough of the Pravda media that covers for the establishment and the Left.
She gave a routine that used to be the type of comedy delivered at the White House Correspondents Dinner, or whatever that event is called now.
Right?
The pre-Obama nerd-prom.
Back when comedians were still funny and had no qualms about making fun of whomever happened to be in office. For them, politics was simply “material” for their routines.
Then they turned into propagandists, like the legacy mainstream press. Their routines became all about spewing HATE at their political opponents and the voters that support them.
I’ve taken to referring to them as “alleged comedians”. Nothing they say is ever actually funny.
This woman, though – never heard of her, but she was knocking it out of the park – one after another.
It appears as though political comedy has suddenly become allowed.
She’s hot, added bonus.
We’ve seen some of this and it matters. This is iconoclastic, sticking your finger in the eye of the man, not unlike early Lenny Bruce.
This kind of event is poignant and shows the way forward towards a brave new world.
Who knows? Even Bill Maher sounds almost same. Could the ship be “righting” it’s course?
Chef is actually a high suicide, high drug use profession. I was surprised. There’s a lot of stress, tons of emotional highs and lows, giving and taking verbal abuse, etc.
I’ve heard Whitney on Rogan and didn’t think she was that funny but she wasn’t doing her act I guess. Her humor seemed more like “cringe humor” than “laugh out loud humor” but in the cringe department she hit home run after home run.
I heard about the Boy Scouts name change from the Babylon Bee. The bee sartorially said the name changed to “OF”. (Since it wasn’t about boys, scouting or America. )
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