An early draft of the Constitution has been found in Philadelphia. Although the handwriting is not perfectly clear, my sources tell me that this is how the Preamble read in this early draft:
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Unless, of course, you don’t like what we write, in which case you can make stuff up as you go.
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(Please do not quote this as being reality, because then I am going to have to spend several days and numerous posts explaining that this was meant as satire. Such is life in the internets that I even need such a disclaimer.)
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Comments
Hahahah! I am truly laughing out loud! Thanks for the much-needed levity.
Unfortunately, our Constitutional-Scholar-In-Chief seems to think that is indeed what it says. *sigh*
I know that your post is pure parody, but the post you link to? Is it for real?
"After finding the draft, "I felt like an actor in the movie National Treasure, but [actor] Nicolas Cage was nowhere to be found," Toler added."
I'm usually pretty good at detecting crap, but my antennae fail me. Please stop the world, I wanna get out!
ROFL
The irony is if it really said that, it would actually bolster the originalist position, because it would show they considered letting the courts have a free hand and rejected it.
Anyway, love the blog. I got my own site started and i am probably going to write my take on originalism soon.
You left out the carat over the comma after "defense," and the phrase "and national health insurance"
I can almost see the founders writing something like this in jest. They HAD to have had a better sense of humor than the jerks we have to put up with who extol the BS "living constitution" crap.
Exactly! I have seriously annoyed Liberals by holding up a copy of the Constitution and saying, "Show me where in here it says it's a living document."
But they never do.
Satire can sometimes run amok, taking a life of its own only end in "retirony". Dangerous game this satire game.
I just want the courts to invoke Article IV Section 4 to throw the current government out…
Yeah, I know that's not what "Republican" means in this context, but that doesn't really matter any more, does it?
I was tracking the story with some excitement and you got me. It would have been nice to have another copy saying "to form a more perfect union don't let those lefties vote- they're all nuts"
But alas, that is a lesson we learned too late.
I have to shudder… not because of this exciting find…. but because the pollies are talking about trying to push a change to the first amendment that would allow them to restrict free speech…. as a result of the Citizens United Case…. that is really horrifying.
If it were only satire it wouldn't be so depressing. I really believe this is Obama's version of the Constitution.
Take that, originalists!